Life is pretty absurd at times; that's WHY...

There are times when I can't get hold of myself anymore because of too much problems, too much thinking and then depression and paranoia just come next.

But I never ever thought of comitting suicide.

Well yeah, one time when I was in 3rd year highschool but it wasn't that serious though. I just kind of got in some trouble at school and I didn't have anyone to talk to and I felt that I've failed a lot of people especially myself. I planned to jump off our terrace which wasn't even that high. And it makes me laugh thinking about it right now.

Problems really make a person crazy.

So yeah, maybe I would be lying if I have had never considered suicide as an option ever. But that was just one time. I can't imagine myself slitting my wrists; I wouldn't be able to take hurting myself.

Yes, I understand those people who do it but find it really absurd though for they aren't solving their problems they just infact make it worst. You won't feel better after slitting your wrists, drinking some pills or whatever, you're putting your life at risk as well as those people who love you. Then again, I can't blame them for people have different ways of handling their problems.

And apparently, suicide for them is the only easy way out. They are the people that I consider as cowards.

I'm not mocking them or anything, I'm just saying my opinion.

And because maybe, MAYBE, at one point in my life, I might consider it not just an option.

Scary na.

I promised myself that I won't be thinking too much about things anymore. Well, I guess I broke that promise again.

It is my first time to be in a relationship hence first time to fall in love. (Yea, I know sobrang infatuations lang talaga ung mga before) And I guess the reason why I'm feeling so sad and blue right now is because I'm just too afraid to get my heart broken. I know, I know na it's part of loving and hindi na maiiwasan 'yan pero siguro kasi baka di ko kayanin. *Sabay kanta ng the first cut is the deepest* Haha! Oo, mahal namin ang isa't isa. Oo, gusto ko siya na talaga pero we can't tell parin. We can't predict the future & unexpected things might happen along the way. Kahit pa gano ako mag-isip sa mga gusto kong mangyari hindi parin natin alam. If we really are not meant to be together, then hindi talaga. I guess, I'm just being open to things, sa mga posibleng bagay. Kaya siguro ganito ako kasi I want stop day dreaming about our fairytale-like future kasi scary na eh and I kind of need to prepare lang.

Shit, I hate myself for thinkin' this way talaga, parang I'm putting an end to our relationship na. Hay, but I don't mean it that way naman. I just want to be like you, I just want to act the way you do, yung tipong you don't pressure yourself & you don't think ab0ut what should happen. Dapat talaga nakikinig ako sayo eh.

I love you. So much. My love for you grows every minute of everyday. I told myself that I shouldn't love you too much, na huwag masyadong maging attached, and that I should hold back my love for you but apparently I just don't know how I'd do that when you always are soo sweet, when you always show how deeply you are in love with me & when you always make me feel how lucky I am to be part of your life and have an amazing person like you.

Oh, you'd just be too hard to let go.

foursome

Mae Ann, Tina, Lyra: I'm soo lucky for having you guys! Love looove loooove you to bits :) Conference lagi.

and yea, we are the foursome. haha, jolog.

I want to hang out with you guys na. Play soccer and stuff. As iff I know how to but Tina would definitley teach us. Roight, Mae? Lyra has long legs so baka maka-goal pa siya. Hahahaha. Basta, happiness lagi knowing na andyan lang kayo. Drama. Corny. Whatever.

Mae, just wait. Your hardwork might pay off in time :) You'll never know ;)

Lyra, you're kuul. Swear. You're just simply funny.

Tina, whatever :) Haha. Teach me how to play soccer. Goodluck sa pagiging goalkeeper. You'd have the shoes na din :)

Cheers to a loooong lasting friendship!! Mwah!

I know this doesn't concern the readers (well, if I still have any haha) but I guess I just want to like share how amazing my friends are :)

fool's paradise

"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!" -Peter Pan

is there such place??

"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting." -Tinkerbell

wait with me, will you?

nakakasawa na.

Ayoko ng mag-isip, nadedepress lang ako. Yay, pero hello naman diba?

sana lahat na lang ng bagay madali.

I'm gonna try something new. Basta, sana may magbigay sakin. Hahahahaha. Labo :P

Not in the mood for proper update. Kailangan ko ng pampatanggal ng depression.

THE Ragna ADIK

Oh Lyra's so funny. Hahahahahaha. Tama nga si Mae.

Jeez, she just cracks me up. Hahahahaha.

C'mon guys, do drop by her blog. She's a good writer din :) Matutuwa kayo ;)

/Edit/
It was nice chatting with Lyra yesterday. Syempre puro love yung topic. Whenever I chat with her laging ang lalim ng pinag-uusapan. Lagi kaming magkaiba ng iniisip at explanations about things. Laging iba talaga. Pero buti na lang naiintindihan niya ko although she gives up talking to me about those topics agad kasi ang seryoso na daw sobra. Haha. Katuwa siya, promise. She has like deep opinions and good advices lagi. Kaya masarap kausap :)

Wala lang!
/edit/

Shiiit

I'm broken, depressed, pressured & stressed.

Could things get any worse than that?

I'm really falling apart :(

Hindi ko na ata kaya.

Nakaw from feistyfork.


Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.

Anything.

A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your blog to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your blog) have to say.

Time for an update

Oh well, haven't blogged for a looong time. I was like sooo lazy to update lang kasi eh.

No bloggy blog blog hops din :) Tomorrow I'd spent sometime checking out my links :) Yiii.

School is fine so far naman. I enjoy balancing off accounts and extracting a trial balance. Whoooa! Although it confuses me at times and I spent like 2 days figuring out how to answer my homework last Saturday; Takenote: isang number lang 'yun ah. I was like confident with my work na but when my teacher blurted out the answers awhile ago some of them were wrong pala. Oh wasted effort :(

Half term break on the 23rd of October until the 30th. Kakapasok palang break na agad. Well, that's a good thing naman :P 1 week nga lang. burrfff!

Belated Happy Birthday bestfriend! Love love love you. Don't be sad na. Me always here. Cheeesy.

That's all for now.

Bukas ko na lang ikwento 'yung matanda sa bus na gusto ko na talagang itulak. Buti nakapagpigil ako. Haha!

don't fret

It's all gone now. GONE. Sooooo get over it.

Tsss, sayang tuloy yung 400 pounds every month. Rarrrr. Biruin mong ang dali dali lang ng trabaho, you're just gon pick Krystal up lang sa school then stay with her til 7:30 pm every night. Ayon lang tapos may 100 pounds ka na every day. Sayang talaga. If napagisipan ko agad before eh pero wala na, wala na. Huli na. Dapat I volunteered myself na agad nung hindi pala pwede si Ate Cathy.

Hay, I'm desperate for a job :( I need extra money pambili ng pasalubong. Actually, broke talaga ako eh kaya kailangan ko talaga ng money for pasalubongs. Sayang talaga. Oh well, wala ng magagawa.

illusions not dreams

I dreamt of Chye and Ixe. Weird because Ixe and I are not close and I don't even know him personally. Yay, hehe. They got married and planned to migrate here in London. I picked Chye up sa Heathrow airport, she's all alone kasi Ixe's flight is a week after pa. So chit chats lang and we were riding in a limousine pa. My mom was with us as well. We were planning na i-tour siya around London and all. And they also bought a house in Lewisham (I don't even know if there is such place here) haha. But I think there is. So anyway, she stayed sa house muna and we were taking care of Josh...

then..

tooootooootoooot...

ayun, may nagtext kaya nagising ako. Hahaha.

sobrang sinumurrarize ko na lang iyan. Ang galing, ang saya kasi. Well, I thought that it wasn't really a dream. It seemed real.

I hope I'd have more dreams like this. Dreams that seem real so even though I'm just dreaming, I'd at least feel happy.

;)

you are magical.

'nuff said :)